IF YOU HAVE A MORAL COMPASS YOU COULD BE THE FAMILY SCAPEGOAT / BLACKSHEEP

In a family situation the scapegoat carries the sins of their own family (which typically have many members in the family who are unhealthy, toxic and/or dysfunctional). For instance, Dad is an alcoholic, sex addict, aggressor, prideful while Mom is his enabler. Or Mom is angry, controlling, belittling, prideful, demanding and Dad is her enabler. The family is expected to deny the truth of their parent’s dysfunction and hide it from the public (keep their dirty laundry buried in the backyard). So what the toxic family members will do is to label one of their children the “problem child” and blame everything that is wrong with their family on that child. This scapegoated child can do no right in their eyes. The scapegoated child typically has a moral compass and is a truth teller that won’t look the other way and ignore sin, but have a very good heart.

The parent who is most demanding will usually make another child the “golden child” or the hero of the family who can do no wrong who will look the other way with their toxic parents lives. Since children will sacrifice themselves for their parents both children will mold themselves to meet the toxic parents’ needs. The child that is the scapegoat will work tirelessly to try to earn the love of their demanding parent but never achieve anything but blame and shame. The scapegoat will often struggle to make sense of their overly harsh and unfair treatment and then just agree to become the suggested role of the “troublemaker” which leads to a struggle with a lifestyle that could lead to smoking, drinking, partying, sex and drugs or other problems. Then the toxic demanding parent will hold up the golden child to show what wonderful parents they are and that the family is a good, well-functioning family unit when it is anything but. They point at the scapegoat as being the source of any trouble in the family to distract outsiders from the fact that one of the parents or both are the problem (often times both parents are the problem because they both need healed from their soul wounds and delivered from their demons).

So just who is the most likely to be the scapegoat in the family?

• The truth teller. If there is a child who actually speaks up for themselves and labels the problem as being the truth of what and who it is, they are likely to be the scapegoat. The child who pipes us and says, “Dad isn’t sick, he’s drunk” or “Dad is not faithful and looks at pornography and cheats on mom” or “Mom is not a real godly woman like she portrays at church because she yells and screams at home and behaves crazy” will tend to be scapegoated in an attempt to discount what they are saying.
• The strongest spiritually or mentally. The scapegoat is ostracized by the family and stated that “they just can’t get along with anyone”, just as the Biblical scapegoat (Leviticus 16:6-10) was driven out into the desert with the sins placed on them. They also have to carry the sins of the entire family. This takes strength. The scapegoat typically goes through life alone and does not receive any healthy support from their family. If they remain in the dysfunctional family of origin, they will typically continue to be scapegoated. So it’s a lonely life.
• The most loving with a heart of mercy. The scapegoated child sacrifices themselves for the family. This takes an enormous amount of compassion and strength as they are blamed for everything that goes wrong.
• Any child who varies from the family’s defined norms. This is a family who is trying to appear perfect on the outside as “image is everything” while the truth is that one of the parents (or both)..

Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV

So understand that the ultimate scapegoat was Jesus Christ. He took all of our sins upon Him. He died on the cross and one of his last words that he stated was “Father forgive them they know not what they do.” Do not allow yourself to be brainwashed into thinking you are the bad one in your family or church or the workforce when you are bold and stand up for the truth and righteousness and call them out for the lies, evil and sin that they are in. Yes you will be persecuted because Jesus was also persecuted as well as His disciples and everyone else who did what God called them to do. Do not bow down to the demons in other people. Do what God tells you to do and He will be proud of you and you will receive a great reward from the Lord.

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