When a person says or does things that hurt you remember that reconciliation is never a requirement of true forgiveness. Yes Jesus said we all need to forgive everyone who ever hurt us (Matt 18:21-35) but that doesn’t mean you allow them to stay in your life forever and continue to hurt or emotionally abuse you. Jesus tried to stay away from the Pharisees as much as He could.
If the people who have hurt you have not repented and truly changed over time then they will continue to hurt you again and then you can never heal as you will get new wounds so you cannot trust them. This includes parents, spouses, anyone who emotionally abused you (or physically or sexually). David never reconciled with Saul who tried to kill him but forgave him. Joseph never reconciled with Potiphar’s wife who lied about him and got him thrown into jail for 3 years. Elijah never reconciled with Jezebel or Ahab. Tamar who was raped by her half brother Amnon never reconciled with him.
When you forgive a person who has hurt you and never changed then you do it in your heart to Jesus and not to the person who hurt you. If the person has hurt you deeply it can be very hard to forgive so ask Jesus to show you how your abuser was hurt and you will see they got hurt when they were young (often from a parent or relative) and how they never could forgive and them ended up with demons because of the unforgiveness. So then choose to forgive them for causing you to feel…. and then name off all your hurtful emotions such as you felt rejected, mocked, not good enough, hated, belittled, angry, sad, dumb, etc and then give all those emotions to Jesus to heal you. Then command every demonic spirit that attached to your soul from them to go to the pit in Jesus name. You know you have forgiven when you rarely ever think about the person again and if you do think about them then you aren’t angry or bitter or have any tears. You can even pray for them.
Never allow an abusive person back into your life unless they have truly repented and changed and you have observed their changed behavior over a year or longer. Don’t let them dupe you because most are very good actors and actresses. Many spouses who are controlling and mean cause their spouse to need to separate and then will put on a good act in order to get their abused spouse to come back but then will become extremely controlling and vindictive because the victim dared to get away from them. They need to be healed from their childhood soul wounds and delivered from their demons and then they can truly change.
An emotionally abusive or controlling spouse has actually abandoned the marriage in the truest form. Abuse is much worse than abandonment, involving the use of something holy (marriage) for demonic ends. Abuse of a spouse or a child is exactly what God condemns everywhere in the Bible—the leveraging of power to hurt the vulnerable. In Malachi 2 God was angry at men who were divorcing their wives for no reason. He called it treacherous…3 times! The biblical meaning of “treacherous” means breaking a sacred trust or a solemn promise. It is a deep act of faithlessness, unfaithfulness, or betrayal against God, a spouse, or a friend. Both men and women who emotionally abuse their spouses are in the wrong and Gods hates it.
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