IF THE CHURCH ADVISES YOU TO SUBMIT TO AN ABUSIVE SPOUSE ASK GOD WHAT HE ADVISES Many pastors and church leaders and church people use the “God hates divorce” partial verse to cause an abused spouse to feel that they must stay with their abuser at all costs but what would God advise? God would want the abuser to get their childhood wounds healed, have them forgive those who hurt them when they were young and then to have them repent for their pride and sin and pursue getting deliverance from their demons which caused them to emotionally abuse and worse which caused the victim to reach out for help. The simple truth is that God never wants anyone to be abused, nor tolerate it. And God is not pleased with anyone who abuses their spouse.  Malachi 2:14-16 NKJV “Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your…

MOST COUPLES RESEMBLE JEZEBEL AND AHAB Most every couple / marriage today resembles the similar traits of queen Jezebel and King Ahab in 1 and 2 Kings.  The spirit of Jezebel can affect a woman or a man and the spirit of Ahab affects men or women. Those two spirits will draw people together into relationships.  People who operate in the spirit of Jezebel have the following traits: Controlling and demanding  Manipulative, threatening & intimidating  Must get their way on most decisions Selfish  Lies a lot - especially about things they did or said that are evil Extremely jealous and insecure  Accuse you of who they are Have many broken relationships  Many are Seductive - can use their sexuality to entice others Spends lots of money Their image is everything to them Often cannot keep their jobs or positions People who operate in the Ahab spirit have the following traits: Feels secure in marrying a person who acts like they are decisive and can run the show  Wants peace at all cost so will allow evil to be done by people instead of standing up to confront  Good at making money and keeping their job Get drawn in to Jezebel’s…

IS THE COUNSEL YOU RECEIVED OF THE LORD OR THE ENEMY? There are about 30,000 pastors and over 120,000 licensed professional counselors, over 80,000 psychologists and over 30,000 psychiatrists in America who have people come to them for advice with which to handle issues in their own personal lives and relationships. Over the past 8 years at Restored to Freedom, we have seen more and more people coming to us who have shared that they were given counsel from their pastors, counselors as well as other professionals that was not good, unwise and actually hurt them worse. Sadly much of the counsel came from the person, pastor or counselor and not from the Lord or Holy Spirit. Many times the counsel given to them were from well-meaning pastors or counselors but they had no understanding how demonic spirits cause people to behave which cause emotionally harmed people more harm by their support of aggressive / abusive spouses or controlling / abusive parents who act like they are godly. Many times the advice was coming from a place of inexperience on the part of the pastor / counselor or sadly through similar demonic tainted like-minded spirits that were similar to the…

GOD WANTS MARRIAGES THAT ARE HOLY NOT COMPROMISED God wants both husband and wife to be aligned with living a godly life according to the Bible. They need to both have fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). They need to both walk in humility and sexual purity. If your spouse is not living a godly life and is living a sinful life of the flesh then they will try to get you to compromise and tolerate sin in your life. They will come against you fulfilling your calling in the Lord. They will try to pull you away from living a life full of integrity and sexual purity and follow them instead of God which can ultimately affect your salvation if you give yourself over to them in order to “keep the peace.” There was a woman in the Bible named Sapphire who agreed to sin with her husband and it unfortunately cost her life. “But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession. And he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part and laid it at…

NOT EVERY MARRIAGE WAS ORDAINED BY GOD Think about it. Most marriages happen when a young man and woman are first physically attracted to one another. Then they date for a period of time to see if they are compatible with one another. If one person is very controlling, lies, cheats on them, emotionally abuses or worse, or has no godly fruit while the other person wants to live for God then often times they don’t follow through with the wedding. Often times one of the parties says they are a Christian, acts nice to them as much as they are able to muster during the dating process but ultimately has no intention in their heart of living a godly lifestyle and simply wants their future spouse to provide for their financial or physical needs, give them sex when they want it, yet will treat them like a slave with consistent emotional abuse, putting them down with a cutting tongue and possibly worse during the marriage. Does that sound like a potential marriage ordained by God? Of course not. Yet millions of marriages are consummated under false pretense. So what happens if you had every intention of serving God in…

HOW SHOULD YOU HANDLE EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS? Emotional abuse in marriage & relationships is unfortunately more common than people would want to think and is also equally as challenging to decide just how to address it and with whom. Most times when two people get married for the first time they expect their partners to love on them and to allow them to make decisions that bring the greatest level of satisfaction to them. They both expect to be able to do whatever they want to do that will bring them the greatest level of enjoyment. Often times shortly after the wedding (and some times longer) one of the spouses will usually place demands to make most of the decisions in the marriage and begin to control and manipulate the other spouse who usually has more of a giving heart. Over time it begins to cause the spouse who is being controlled to feel less valued, dominated and no longer feel loved. The more demanding spouse wants even more control, will behave very proudly and talk more condescending with disrespect to their mate. Eventually the controlled spouse will feel sick to their stomachs frequently because of the…

NOT EVERY MARRIAGE WAS ORDAINED BY GOD Think about it.  Most marriages happen when a young man and woman are first physically attracted to one another.  Then they date for a period of time to see if they are compatible with one another.  If one person is very controlling, lies, cheats on them, emotionally abuses or worse, or has no godly fruit while the other person wants to live for God then often times they don’t follow through with the wedding.  Often times one of the parties says they are a Christian, acts nice to them as much as they are able to muster during the dating process but ultimately has no intention in their heart of living a godly lifestyle and simply wants their future spouse to provide for their financial or physical needs, give them sex when they want it,  yet will treat them like a slave with consistent emotional abuse, putting them down with a cutting tongue and possibly worse during the marriage.  Does that sound like a potential marriage ordained by God? Of course not.  Yet millions of marriages are consummated under false pretense. So what happens if you had every intention of serving God in…

How should you handle emotional abuse in marriage & relationships? Emotional abuse in marriage is unfortunately more common than people would want to think and is also equally as challenging to decide just how to address it and with whom.  Most times when two people get married for the first time they expect their partners to love on them and to allow them to make decisions that bring the greatest level of satisfaction to them.  They both expect to be able to do whatever they want to do that will bring them the greatest level of enjoyment.  Often times shortly after the wedding (and some times longer)  one of the spouses will usually place demands to make most of the decisions in the marriage and begin to control and manipulate the other spouse who usually has more of a giving heart.  Over time it begins to cause the spouse who is being controlled to feel less valued, dominated and no longer feel loved.  The more demanding spouse wants even more control, will behave very proudly and talk more condescending with disrespect to their mate.  Eventually the controlled spouse will feel sick to their stomachs frequently because of the consistent arguments…

So many people in the world simply want to be loved unconditionally by another person in a committed and trusted marriage for a lifetime. Unfortunately, most people have been hurt when growing up in their childhoods by fathers or mothers who were not present, distant, unloving, critical, controlling, or at the worst case of the spectrum - had abused their children emotionally, physically, and even sexually. Then when the child grew up, he or she heard thoughts in their minds that they thought were their own but were not. The enemy whispered thoughts into their minds such as "Your father did not love you," "You cannot trust your father to protect you," "Your mother wishes you were never born," "Your father hates you," "It is all your fault," "You cannot trust anyone in your life to protect or love you," etc. The enemy whispered these thoughts to them, causing them to believe that the thoughts they were listening to for a lifetime were the truth. Therefore, they began to replay those thoughts in their minds thousands of times, over and over throughout their lives. They began to reason that they could not trust anyone else in their lives and that…

When young people decide that they want to be married they do not often think anything about how their pasts will affect their future.  They fall “in love” with a person and allow their emotions to drive their desires and before they know it they are making life-affecting decisions based upon a few months or year or two of “dating” when people try to put on a front of who they believe the other person wants them to be.  They feel “in love” and totally throw out the window all common sense and any possible hint of spiritual discernment.  They let their eyes focus on their mate’s hair, eyes, body, humor, and totally ignore their heart and who they actually are behind closed doors.  They do not see inside their spirit as to whom they are when no one is looking but God. What people do not think about is what happens when a person grows up in a family that has little to no unconditional love and how it may affect a young woman or man for the rest of their lives. I know that I never thought about it as I grew up in a home where I…