There can be fine lines for many couples when a healthy submission of a wife to their husband becomes ungodly control from their husband which causes much strife and ruins all intimacy. There are also wives who expect their husbands to submit to them by raising their voices and demanding them to listen and obey them. The verse in the Bible that talks about wives submitting to their husbands can be one of the more controversial verses for people in the church:
Ephesians 5:22-33 NKJV
Marriage—Christ and the Church
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
When a husband and wife are healed from their past soul wounds and freed from the demons giving them tormenting thoughts then the above verses are a natural extension of what occurs in a healthy and godly structured marriage. When a husband loves his wife in a godly way, submitting himself to hearing the Lord and Holy Spirit and being directed by God and leading her spiritually in a loving and gentle way then a godly wife feels safe and secure, trusting in her husband’s decisions knowing that they are in her best interest.
Unfortunately the majority of wives and husbands are not healed from their past soul wounds when they grew up and therefore they both hear a lot of thoughts from demons causing them to be selfish, jealous, impure, angry, fearful, striving and arguing about everything. They are unable to love and respect each other because they are hearing thousands of negative thoughts a day believing lies from the enemy about each other and causing them to not trust each other and desiring to control one another. Thus many women who have been hurt by their fathers or mothers hear the enemy tell them that they cannot trust their husbands to make good decisions and not to submit to them. One woman who had a very godly husband said that she would NEVER submit to a man. It’s because she was hurt by her father deeply and the demons that tormented her soul from him convinced her that her godly husband was also bad and she should never do what he said. Men who have been hurt by their mothers or fathers will also hear negative thoughts from the enemy telling them to control their wives and not allowing them to live a life of peace and making their own healthy decisions thus creating an atmosphere of tension, fear and arguments.
If a husband behaves in an overly controlling and ungodly manner then why should a godly wife submit to his ungodly authority and decisions that would hurt her and her children. The underlying controlling and ungodly behavior will hurt his wife’s soul driving her away from him and can lead to physical sickness in her body. If a wife behaves in a controlling and ungodly way with pride and hatred for her godly husband then there will also be constant friction and strife in their marriage.
Unfortunately the majority of marriages in the church and outside the church are broken messes where the men are not submitting to God and the women are not submitting to godly husbands. The answer to this mess is for every husband and wife to go through a soul wound healing session with deliverance of the demons that have had legal rights to tormenting them. They need to forgive everyone from their hearts who hurt them in their past. They need to both humble themselves from their pride and repent for their sin. When both parties are delivered and freed then the man would seek and hear from the Lord and make godly decisions that would be blessed by God and help protect his bride. The wives would then want to submit unto a godly husband because she could trust that he had her best interests at heart. The husband would also want to love and cherish his wife and love on her in a godly way, gently and with care. The wife would feel safe and secure and want to help and support her husband succeed in his life and both would pursue their own callings in the Lord to help other people. Men and women would not compete against each other but they would be on the same page against the enemy.
The Virtuous Wife
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
When both women and men fear the Lord and obey Him then they will both be blessed and enjoy lives of joy and love from one another. Unfortunately most hear the enemy and believe that their spouse are the evil ones instead of the seeing the demonic thoughts are coming from demons who are trying to hurt each other. Submission to people who have demons will never produce godly fruit. When both parties are healed and delivered then great things will happen within the context of their marriage.