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Waking The Lion Within book – Ch 3 – Marrying Your Mom

It is amazing to see how true it is when speaking with men all around the world how so many decide to marry women who are very similar to their own mothers.  I have seen the following scenario played out many times over and over everywhere:  Four brothers that have grown up in the same family who have a father that is spiritually weak and mild whose wife is strong, controlling, manipulative and takes the lead spiritually. As the brothers grow up they start to date girls who are similarly strong, controlling and some may be leaders spiritually.  The women enjoy the relationship with the sons because they know that they can control the timid men or at least know that as they act loving to some extent before marriage, once they are married they can then move into the controlling mode at a stronger rate.

The boys grew up with their father who was not a spiritual leader, although usually attended church regularly, but let his wife become the dominant leader spiritually.  The boys’ mother read her Bible most every day, read other spiritual books and being a good mother and wife while her husband only read his Bible occasionally but almost never cracked a spiritual book open and is tired from working a full day so wants to relax when he comes home or may be involved in sports on the side with his friends as he wants to stay away from his controlling wife.

Therefore the same scenario is repeated in their children’s lives as the spiritually passive son marries a spiritually strong woman.  Thus you become your father and see the same results that he did as the generational curse of living as a weak man of God is passed on from your grandfather to your father to you and then eventually your sons.  There are familiar spirits that convince you that you just “aren’t a strong spiritual leader” and that is how it is and there is nothing you can do about it.  You take your family to church, but when it comes to spiritual things – that just isn’t who you are.  Since your father relinquished his proper role as spiritual leader to your mother and she tried as best she could to take it and run with it, you end up doing the exact same thing as he did.  Surrendering your responsibility as spiritual leader to your wife because your mom took over for your dad is not acceptable, and most men know this if you ask them but do not know how to change themselves to become the leader they know God wants them to become.

The Bible states in 1 Corinthians 11:3 NKJV,

“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Unfortunately men are not taking their responsibility, and this must change if we are going to see proper spiritual order restored in the body of Christ and society around the world as time is getting shorter for Christ’s return to earth.  It is time to stand up and to take back what the enemy has stolen from you because it is not the way the Lord has instructed.

If you ask most godly women – they really do not want to take the lead spiritually because they also know this is not what they are called to do.  They want their husband to lead, yet they also never saw their fathers lead spiritually and so gravitate to what they are familiar with and know that something must be done.  If their husbands will not take charge then they must do it because someone needs to try to guide and direct the children.  Thus it becomes another vicious cycle of men marrying women like their mothers and women marrying men like their fathers; and this goes on and on for generation after generation after generation and the family unit becomes weaker and weaker as the enemy wins.

Women will feel most secure when they know their husbands are following after the Lord and getting direction from God instead of doing their own thing based on their own fleshly desires or trying to make decisions on their own.  Men will ultimately feel most connected to God and at peace when they are hearing Him direct them instead of relying on their wives who are not hearing the Lord for decisions or making their own decisions based on themselves.  It is such a challenge as I have talked to many women over the years that want their husbands to lead and are pleading that they do so yet their husbands simply do not know how.

So if you grew up with a father who did not show you how to lead spiritually and then you marry a woman just like your mother who was closer to spiritual things, then the question is – how do you transform into the man you should be and transition your wife to allow you to lead and support you the way she was designed by the Lord?  The older you are and the more that your mindsets have been set in place the more challenging that will be for both of you but can and should be pursued if you really want to live in marriage in the perfect design that the Lord has for you. It is never too late to do the right thing and start having a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe.

What I have seen is that once a man gets a taste of hearing from the Lord and seeing miracles in his life, he will be on fire for God quickly and his wife will become much closer to him because she is finally seeing him as the man of God she truly desires.  The tremendous effects of the Holy Spirit are far more exciting to see than the regular day to day basic life that most are experiencing as a couple.   It is like moving from a barren place in the desert to a lush meadow in the mountains as things start to come alive as the Lord will supernaturally bring you into a very real experience that nothing can replicate.  It is a whole new adventure and that is what a man’s soul really yearns for – to experience God in a way that is personal, hear His voice speak to him and give him direction and to see the things that are spoken come to pass in his life

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