Many that grow up with wounds from their fathers suffer greatly and have paralyzing pain in their hearts that sometimes becomes so deep and agonizing that they never recover throughout their lifetime. Some even die early deaths full of depression, sadness and despair. Keep in mind there is a continuum of affect that occurs when a father causes their child pain over their youth and formative years.
If the father was simply not present much, rather than being extremely abusive, then the child’s pain will be in direct proportion and the effects of the enemy on them will be as well. The greater the pain, the greater the negative impact upon them. If they were brought up later by a step-father that was nice to them they often still suffer from the lack of love from their original earthly father the initial years of their life and thereafter. Their heart was never healed from the original pain of their biological father’s lack of presence.
Wounding Father Behaviors:
- The father was not present because either he was working all the time or emotionally not connected – may have left their mother for a time or permanently – bringing on strong feelings of rejection from the child as they may have blamed themselves for the father leaving.
- The child could never quite be good enough so desperately sought to earn the love of their father. The child had to perform for them perfectly as much as they were able just to receive a little encouragement, if any.
- Their father behaved more selfishly than selflessly. Although he may have portrayed himself as loving and altruistic to others outside of the family so he would look good to his friends or the community. Behind closed doors they were harsh and controlling which caused their children to recognize them as an impostor causing them tremendous resentment of their hypocritical father.
- The father did not show unconditional love very often if ever – if the child did something they did not like, they let their child know about it and possibly made them apologize several times over many months or possibly years – never truly forgiving them and forgetting. They may have reminded the child over and over again later in life never letting them forget of their “failures” in his controlling eyes causing the child to feel tremendous condemnation.
- His parenting style was harsh, strict and rules-based – not truly caring, loving, gentle, kind or forgiving.
- Their father was very controlling and did not allow their child to make mistakes without strong correction – may have berated the child multiple times if they did something they didn’t like. The child may have had to “walk on eggshells” around their father and or mother.
- At times the child may have felt like they were living in a military compound as they had to do exactly what they were told without questioning why and felt completely unloved. “Children should be seen and not heard” mentality and if the father made a mistake in discipline he would rarely apologize or never admit it.
- What the child did was never considered good enough and they received little or no encouragement and almost no words of affirmation were given. The child was basically starving for just a little attention with unconditional love and approval. So the child would strive desperately for attention whether good or bad.
- In some cases….the father (and possibly mother) really never wanted their child and rejected them over and over and were verbally abusive. The child could have been rejected in the womb from the very beginning which caused deep pain from before birth. Perhaps the parents did not have much money when they got pregnant with their child or they might have had another child shortly prior to the latest birth or they wanted a boy instead of a girl or vice versa.
- At the most extreme spectrum the child could have been emotionally abused (yelling, screaming, berating, extreme control) or physically/sexually abused in the very worst cases. The parent(s) completely fractured the child’s self-esteem and ability to function.