There are billions of people who are in unhealthy relationships with people who are saying they are a believer in God yet are lacking any fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control). They are filled with overbearing pride. Behaving in sexual impurity, looking at porn, ogling others bodies (lust), masturbating in private or having other improper relationships. They lie, gossip, get angry, jealous, act godly while living an ungodly and unrighteous life. In God’s eyes they are really an unbeliever with much fruit of the flesh, evil hearts and corrupt minds.
So the people who are in relationship with them are tormented by derogatory and negative comments, have no support, treated with disdain, mocked, and ultimately receive emotional abuse or worse. Those who are married to them are in tremendous stress because they don’t want to divorce them because they hear the “God hates divorce” Bible verse over and over so feel like they must stay and be abused until death do they part. And in a very real way they are slowly dying on the inside as their spouse’s demons continue to manifest on them every day through heartless words and treatment to them. Many of the abused begin to lose their hair, have issues with their weight, insomnia and suffer from many other physical issues, sickness in their stomach, chronic pain and become depressed and often hear thoughts of suicide. So what does Jesus say about being connected closely to people who have ungodly fruit and whose goal is to hurt you and stop you from doing God’s calling?
Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”
So “a man’s (or woman’s) enemies will be those of his (her) own household.” When a person chooses to serve Jesus and obey His word while others they have relationship with do not then the demons in those people will attack them to try to stop what God wants them to do. So the healthiest thing to do is to separate from family members and others whose goals are in opposition to the Lord in order to obey God and do what He wants so you can have peace in your life and not constant negative criticism with the intent to stop you from God’s purpose in your life.
Understand when you are married to that person who is opposing what God wants for you that you need to ultimately come to a decision on if you will allow your ungodly spouse to keep you from doing what God wants you to do. God may have you give them notice that they need to change and repent and let them know they need to pursue the process of soul wound healing (forgiving people who hurt them when growing up) and deliverance so they can change to be a true Christian with evidence of the fruit of the spirit so they can support you and serve God together.
God always wants to give people a chance to change with receiving the truth. That can be very challenging for them due to their pride and unwillingness to be honest and hearing demons give them thoughts that are lies. Most of them would call themselves a Christian because they attend church and could have the gift of tongues and be able to prophesy. But if they treat you in mean ways, disrespect, wanting to control you and are sexually impure with lies and gossip then they do not have the fruit of the spirit. If they reject humbling themselves to getting right with God then God will eventually tell you it is time to separate from them and their demons. We have to choose who we will serve – the demons in our spouse or Jesus. It is not an easy decision and the church in large part would shame people into staying with emotionally abusive people when God clearly wants everyone to serve Him above all others.
Demons in people who attend church and would call themselves Christians are smart enough to know if they are physically or sexually abusive to their spouse that most people would agree that the abused spouse needs to leave for their own safety. So usually the abusers will be emotionally controlling and manipulative to their spouse so if their victim begins to talk to people to get help they can then lie about the depth of their control and abuse. They will lie to their pastor, counselors or friends and family to make them appear as a victim in order to get their sympathy. They are masters of lying and twisting the truth.
Mark 10:28-31 NKJV
“Then Peter began to say to Him, “See, we have left all and followed You.” So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”
Jesus said that when we have decided to serve Him for His sake and the gospel that we may need to leave our brothers, sisters, father or mother, children or wife. The law of the land when Jesus was in Jerusalem and Israel was that only men could divorce their wives but neighboring countries allowed the wife to also initiate a divorce 1,780 years before Christ. The Code of Hammurabi was a collection of 282 rules, establishing standards for commercial interactions and set fines and punishments to meet the requirements of justice. The Code of Hammurabi allowed a woman to sue her husband for divorce. If she could convince the court that she was the wronged party, she would then be granted a divorce.
Understand that there must be real emotional abuse (or worse) for the Lord to honor a person for separating or divorcing their abuser and that the abused person should do everything they can to help the abuser to be aware of their need to get their soul wounds healed from all who hurt them when they were growing up and delivered from their demons. If the abuser refuses to be honest with their behavior and humble themselves to authentically pursue healing and deliverance then the abused needs to obey God. If both husband and wife would choose to get healed and delivered from their demons then they would not need to divorce because the husband would love and serve his wife the way God wants and the wife would submit to her husband’s godly leading and be his helpmate. Also interestingly Jesus states that when we do part from our family members to serve God that we will receive a hundredfold blessing now in this time and also houses and new spiritual brothers and sisters and mothers and children and land.
2 Corinthian 6:14-18 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness (sin)? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
So sadly there are millions and millions of marriages where one person is saying they are a believer and attends church and can even pray in tongues or prophesy but their fruit is of the flesh and ungodly. In the Lord’s eyes many of them are actually unbelievers. Their goal is to hurt their godly spouse and stop them from completing God’s assignment and calling. There are many people who are church attenders with ungodly fruit of the flesh whose goal is to stop others from their true callings. They will lie to others and act like they are godly but God knows who they really are. Many of them are pastors, worship leaders, teachers, elders, mentors, church volunteers, security workers, spouses, etc. God knows them by their fruit.
Galatians 5:16-26 NKJV
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness (unholy), lewdness (sexually impure / lustful), idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions (strife, conflict, contention), heresies (denial of a core doctrine of Christian faith) , envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries (partying), and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”
God is looking at our fruit, our hearts and our minds. We cannot make anyone an idol before the Lord. We must serve Jesus and not the demons in other people no matter who they are or what their position is. It is time to consecrate our lives unto the Lord and we need to make sure to align ourselves with others who have the fruit of the spirit within them. God hates divorce but also hates those who emotionally (or physically or sexually) abuse their godly spouse. When people get their soul wounds healed and delivered from their demons they treat everyone with love as Jesus did and can serve God in the calling He has for them in their lives. If a person refuses to get healed and delivered then they will have to answer to the Lord. God gives all of us a freewill to choose to either serve Him or Satan with the evidence of our fruit.
Matthew 7:15-23 NKJV
You Will Know Them by Their Fruits
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.
I Never Knew You
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’