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Sadly many who are in relationships with people will get hurt and abused. The victim tolerates the abuse over time and eventually either gets beaten down enough that they give up on ever getting freed and die or they muster up enough courage to go to someone at their church or a counselor to try and get help to confront their abuser. Sadly most don’t get proper help because the abuser, who operates in demons, will be very persuasive and convince the pastor or counselor that the main problem is their true victim by acting like they are innocent and having private communication implicating the victim. They buddy up with the counselor and get them to give advice that allows them control over the victim and even blaming the victim. And often the abuser will be more intimidating as the victim is easier to blame and the path of least resistance. Thus often the counseling will make life worse for them because now the abuser is really mad because they dared to get help and expose their abuse.

1 – Pastors and counselors advice will often make a victims situation worse giving counsel saying things such as:

– You’re overreacting
– You need to forgive and forget
– You need to always submit to your husband
– Give him or her more sex (even though they are abusing you and it just feeds their demons)
– You will destroy your marriage and hurt your kids if you leave
– Emotional abuse isn’t a reason to divorce
– You know if you divorce that you can’t get remarried
– I know he’s abusive but he can still pastor, lead worship, be a deacon or elder, teach, attend our church
– Every marriage is 50/50 whose fault it is
– Often will say that “God hates divorce” but fail to read the entire scripture that talks about how God hates when a man deals treacherously with his wife that causes the divorce and creates violence

Malachi 2:13-17 NKJV

13 And this is the second thing you do:
You cover the altar of the Lord with tears,
With weeping and crying;
So He does not regard the offering anymore,
Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.
14 Yet you say, “For what reason?”
Because the Lord has been witness
Between you and the wife of your youth,
With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 “For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”
17 You have wearied the Lord with your words;
Yet you say,
“In what way have we wearied Him?”
In that you say,
“Everyone who does evil
Is good in the sight of the Lord,
And He delights in them,”
Or, “Where is the God of justice?”

From my personal experience in talking to people approximately 10% of abuse victims receive proper support and advice from church leaders to hold abusers accountable

Church leaders often don’t want couples to separate or divorce and then leave their church because they will take their tithes with them so they will often counsel them to stay together and just keep loving their abuser causing the victim to get hurt more, often leading to sickness, hair loss, and even early death.

2 – Victims are not free to get help for their abusers and expose the truth of the abuse

Victims are beaten down so much for so long and are afraid of their abusers so will often not tell anyone about until it’s been years and years of abuse.

Abusers make it clear to their victim that there will be consequences if they tell on them and will lie to make everyone believe their victims were the abusers.

Most churches have no training to recognize abuse nor how to help abusers get their soul wounds healed and delivered.

3 – Churches emphasize teachings that lead victims to believe that their suffering is God ordained and His will.

– They say that women are just emotional, irrational and easily deceived
– Husbands have all authority over their wives
– A woman must do whatever her husband wants and submit, submit, submit (even to emotional abuse and control)
– Women should keep praying and submitting to their husband so by their conduct they can win over their husband

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
I Peter 3:1-2 NKJV

But when a husband is abusive with demons the demons will take advantage of a woman who is meek and subservient. Thus the abuser has no incentive to change.

4 – Abusers are master deceivers and actors

– They portray themselves as godly men or women and then talk about their victim behind their backs, spreading a false narrative that the victim is mentally unstable

5 – Church leadership themselves are often the abusers

– These abusers have their own direct victims who have nowhere to turn for help
– Victims don’t receive any compassion because the leaders are all treating their own victims the same way

The best course of action is to discuss getting the abuser’s soul wounds healed from their past. Hurts from their fathers, mothers and others. Getting healed from exposure to pornography, being molested or raped. Getting delivered from their demons. They have a freewill to choose healing and deliverance so abusers will often resist and try and act like their are a victim instead of being honest. My book Freedom From Soul Wounds and Demons (Amazon) here – https://a.co/d/0Xed2Rn is a great resource, or having them to go through a personal session with me at http://www.restoredtofreedom.com/contact-me-invite/  or watching our teachings and testimonies at YouTube.com/@nelsonschuman

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