We have all been hurt by people in our lives. We have been controlled, betrayed, lied & gossiped about, and many of us have been emotionally abused and some physically or sexually abused. God requires that everyone forgive those who have sinned against them in order to have their own sins forgiven by Him.
“For if you forgive men their sins, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins.”
So does that mean that every relationship should be restored if the person who hurt you doesn’t own their bad behavior and change and still remains unhealthy or emotionally abusive? Did Jesus want to stay in relationship with everyone? He absolutely did not want to stay in close relationship with the Pharisees and scribes.
Christ Brings Division
34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
Did David reconcile with Saul? nope.
Did Elijah reconcile with Jezebel? nada.
Did Jesus reconcile with the Pharisees? never.
If you have been abused emotionally, physically or sexually and your abuser has never taken responsibility for it, apologized, gone through healing and deliverance and has changed their behavior to being loving and kind over a period of time then it is not wise to stay in the unhealthy abusive relationship.
True repentance from an abuser is proved out through consistently changed good behavior over time. If a person who hurts you apologizes but has no changed behavior and good fruit then they are only doing the apology to manipulate you back into the relationship so they can hurt you again.
You will know when a person has truly repented for their abuse when they are humble, remorseful for their prior abusive behavior and have changed by treating their former victim with love and kindness over time.
So for most people forgiveness from your heart towards people who have abused you simply means seeing them through the eyes of Christ. Understanding that those who have hurt you were also hurt when they grew up and thus responded to you out of their pain and demons. Forgiviness frees you from the legal rights that demons would have to torment you through being bitter towards your abuser. Realize that forgiveness does not require reconciliation with anyone who continues to behave abusively, prideful, or piously.